If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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