If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
