She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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