I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
