Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
