ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
