I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Boobs speak an international language.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
