Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
