she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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