Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
