just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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