Only a mothe r could love this liver
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
