Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
