I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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