So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
