What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
