Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
