What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
