it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
