capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
