IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
