i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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