We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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