I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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