We're facebook friends in real life
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am naked and annoyed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
