I can tuck mytits in my pants
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
