Christians are straight up FREAKS
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
