i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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