You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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