so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want a musical about memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
