Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
not ubering you a puppy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
