god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
