Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
