i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
