Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
