Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
