Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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