I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I met the friendliest cop last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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