Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
