I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
