I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
