yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont even know how to be here
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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