I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He kissed a someone with a penis
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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