You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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