A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
