so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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