he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We named our party play list daddy issues
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
