I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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