We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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