His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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