i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
